Like a lemming into the internet sea...

''We are talking about the nonsensical ravings of a luniatic mind!'' ~Gene Wilder, Young Frankinstein~

Saturday, February 11, 2006

So we leave the apartment (and the suitcase-aware kittens) tonight to go to Jen and Brian's house to sleep over. A car is supposed to come pick us up at 10 am Sunday and whisk us to the NYC pier and the fabulous cruise ship therein.

And sometime between 5pm Saturday and noon Sunday a blizzard is coming. Oh, yes. I said blizzard. 12 to 18 inches to be exact. I'm torn between being exasperated that it couldn't wait until we were gone, and loving the idea of seeing the statue of liberty receed into the horizon covered in a fluffy white blanket, and the need to point and laugh at all the people on shore that are NOT on a giant vessel taking us away from all this cold.

I NEED this vacation. Today is Saturday, and I was up at 7:30...again. What is WRONG with me?? I went to bed at 2, people!! Oh! And you'll all be exstatic to know that I'm now allowed to do 30 minutes on the elliptical or exercise bike. Al got a bike for the house. He fears for my life. I'll be able to use the gym on the ship. This is happy news. Really.

So in a few days time I'll be soaking in the sun, and covered in monkeys. yes I said monkeys. Some island excursion that I've been told we're doing. I dig monkeys, so I'm way stoked about it. If anyone knows how to teach a monkey how to post pix onto this fercockeda thing, call me, I need to learn how to post pix...um, and then I'll teach the monkey. Yeah.

Until then, cross your fingers and pray we don't get hit by a wave. I'm no Shelley Winters you know.

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Who knew?

Your results:
You are Supergirl

Supergirl

85%
Wonder Woman

85%
Catwoman

85%
Spider-Man

80%
The Flash

75%
Iron Man

75%
Superman

65%
Hulk

65%
Batman

60%
Robin

55%
Green Lantern

55%
Lean, muscular and feminine.
Honest and a defender of the innocent.
http://www.seabreezecomputers.com/superhero/pics/supergirl3.jpg">
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Saturday, February 04, 2006

I just want to say "Gracias" to Luanne for her comments on my last post. Just one question, Lu... What?

Here's a little known to some, and all too well known to others, fact about me: I only have two speeds. Maximum, and Sleeping. Today is Saturday, and I was out dancing last night until 1 am, yet I've been up since 7:30. Seriously, what the fuzzy fuck?

I bring this up because I'm going through some crappy life issues. I'm not gonna get into the bigger ones, wherein I realize that I'm in the VAST minority in this and it's effecting my relationships in dramatic ways I never acknowledged, but the smaller ways that have only to do with me. Because the smaller issues are easier to see, and the verdict is out on the big stuff.

That last paragraph gave me a nose bleed.

I have bursitis (give me a second, this isn't as random as it seems). See, I started running in the mornings as few months ago. The elliptical machine that I had in my house broke, and rather than not work out six maniacal days a week until we can get a new one, I figured I would start running. It's good for you, cheap, and I can do it whenever I have time.

One glitch.

I SUCKED at it.

You might assume that running is one of the most natural things we do as humans, how can anyone be bad at it? I dare you to try. Go on, I'll wait....... SEE!! It's HARD! I was busting my ass on that elliptical a LOT, that thing was no clothes hanger. I got outside to run and three nanoseconds later I wanted to DIE! If there's one thing I'm TRULY terrible at, it's being bad at something. Rather than saying screw this, my body hates it, I decide "Oh NO you DIDN'T" and started calling every runner I could for tips on how to improve. I decided I would run a 5K this summer. Eventually, my maximum speed mania decided that a marathon was in my future. Ohio, to be honest, the only reason I wanted to run a marathon is cause I found out that there's one in Disney, but that's not the point. The point is, my body immediately rebelled. Within a few weeks my three days a week running went up to six days, and soon after my hips, knees, and ankles staged a military coup. I couldn't even walk. So I tapped my personal trainer friend, Bacon, to find out why. His advice: Go buy real running shoes, and slow the hell down, Crazy Lady. I did everything he said (mostly, he told me I could only run for 15 minutes, and after two weeks he let me up it to 18... after that I sort of took it upon myself to up it to 20... and then 22... he threatened to quit, but I think he's bluffing) and everything was going well. On the weekends I'd run my stoopid, lame ass 22 minutes, and then hit the stair master for half an hour because it's less stress on the joints.

Until three and a half weeks ago. I knew something felt wrong in my left hip, but I ignored it and ran. All that day I thought I'd strained my lower back. When I got home, I took some ibuprophen and put on a heating pad. The next morning I took the day off running.... NOT. I got up at 5, took four ibuprophen, and went running at 6:30 cause I felt better... until about 15 minutes into my 22 minute run. And I've been in physical therapy ever since.

And do you know, friends and neighbors, what I'm really upset about? Can you guess? Can you pin the crazy on the Jessica?? I'm upset that I was out of workout commission for two and a half weeks. I'm depressed and angry at my body for it's betrayal, as though it's this separate person from me who just decided to take the lazy way out. The only thing keeping me from pushing myself too hard is that I don't want to be hobbled on our cruise, and I want to get back to training to run the 5K asap. But I'm not patient, and I'm certainly not forgiving of my own weaknesses, and it's exhausting to be me.

Everyone I know that DOESN'T work out has said, "See? Running is BAD for you, your body is telling you to stop." And it just makes me want to push through even more. But my bitch of a body is caving left and right, and it makes me mad.

So that's where I'm at. Not able to work out for the month before I go on a cruise that will have me in a bathing suit for two weeks, and my freak out level is insurmountable. I found out last weekend that there's a running track on the upper deck of the ship. This news almost killed me.

Don't worry, we'll have fun. I'll be drunk a good portion of the trip, and keep in mind, EVERYthing I do is at maximum speed. Including having fun.

Thursday, January 26, 2006

I'm not dead yet! I think I'll go for a walk now! I feeeeeel Happy! I feeeeeeel HAPPY!...

So... Christmas is over. I'm pretty sure I blinked and missed it. Is it weird that the second Christmas is over I go into anti-Christmas mode? I mean, as a kid I used to stall the inevitable undecorating as long as possible, trying to prolong that christmassy feeling. But now, as soon as the 26th rolls around I'm thinking about taking it all down. I have to restrain myself so we can keep the decorations up for New Years Eve.

Weird.

I've had a lot going on in the past few weeks, but I can't seem to recall a single thing. I've had Laser Eye surgery. This is MONUMENTALLY strange, since I've been in some form of corrective lense since I was 5. My first pair of glasses were blue Wonder Woman frames. That shouls have tipped everyone off. Now I can see as though I'm wearing my contact lenses... with out wearing my contact lenses. WACKY.

We're also gearing up to take our very first cruise. We'll be leaving on Feb 12, so we'll actually be cruising on Valentine's DAy. This ought to be nice. I know that some of the ports of call are Cosumel, Belize, Ocho Rios, and Cancun. The rest are lost in the melee of information in my brain.

Sigh. Limbo. Sorry.

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Slowly but surely I WILL have a tree...

Al and I went out to get a real live Christmas tree last week. We, in our own hapless grand tradition, picked the shittiest weather night we could manage. While it wasn't raining (as is our USUAL choice) is WAs "nut numbingly" cold. Al's phrase, but true even for me.

Literally it was 7 degrees out. We stopped at Panerra Bread for some coffee to "keep our hands warm" an were dismayed to find the coffee freezing up after ten minutes in the outdoors. The first lot we went to had all of their trees tied up so that they looked like one giant branch. We chose one that was (what we thought to be) big enough for our new living room. The guy untied it... lifted the thing over his head... and slammed it into the ground to make the branches "fluff out"... and nary a branch moved. Poor thing was frozen solid. However, about eleven THOUSAND needlecicles fled for their lives, ala Charlie Brown's tree. We took one look around, tried and failed miserably to stifle our hysterical laughter, realized that ALL the trees were tied, and thus ALL the trees would be frozen in the same manner, and left.

It was some time in the next hour at Home Depot's garden department that the freezing air sucked the christmas life out of me. Like my good humor thermostat hit zero, and this was no longer funny. I turned to Al and said, "Fuck this. Take me to Harrow's, we're getting a fake." Then my head spun and a chunk of frozen pea soup came shooting out of my mouth.

Al quietly prayed that Harrow's would still be open.

As we were driving back toward home we passed one more lot. Having thawed somewhat, and, well... we were THERE... we decided to try this one. All of the trees were open and on spikes, so you could see what they looked like. Plus, the guys working there were not stupid... they had a huge fire going. It took us nanoseconds to pay WAY too much for a really nice tree... that turned out to be roughly a foot too short for our new living room.

Now that tree has been up for about a week. First, we only had the energy to get it standing. SECOND, we wanted to see if our cats can NOT climb the damed thing. So we left it up undecorated for a dew days. Sadly, we would soon realize that our scheduels do not allow for tree decorating. Not both of us at the same time, and certainly not both of us at THREE different times. One to put up the tree, one to put on the lights and see if THAT attracts them, and another to put up the decorations. Monday night we put the lights on it and realized that new bigger living room means bigger better trees. Which means more lights than we're used to. Which means that Al went out on his day off last night to get some MORE lights, and now we have a LIT tree, sans decorations. Everyone is at catt battle stations. Both of them seem largely non plussed by what should be the biggest cat toy they've ever seen, by all rights. We suspect they're biding they're time, lulling us into a false sense of security, waiting for juuuuuust the right moment to attack. Like when we're busy opening gifts, and expecting them to play with the discarded paper.

Else I'm giving too much credit to the animals that still think there's a monster in the dryer.

Slowly but surely...

Slowly but surely I WILL have a tree...

Al and I went out to get a real live Christmas tree last week. We, in our own hapless grand tradition, picked the shittiest weather night we could manage. While it wasn't raining (as is our USUAL choice) is WAs "nut numbingly" cold. Al's phrase, but true even for me.

Literally it was 7 degrees out. We stopped at Panerra Bread for some coffee to "keep our hands warm" an were dismayed to find the coffee freezing up after ten minutes in the outdoors. The first lot we went to had all of their trees tied up so that they looked like one giant branch. We chose one that was (what we thought to be) big enough for our new living room. The guy untied it... lifted the thing over his head... and slammed it into the ground to make the branches "fluff out"... and nary a branch moved. Poor thing was frozen solid. However, about eleven THOUSAND needlecicles fled for their lives, ala Charlie Brown's tree. We took one look around, tried and failed miserably to stifle our hysterical laughter, realized that ALL the trees were tied, and thus ALL the trees would be frozen in the same manner, and left.

It was some time in the next hour at Home Depot's garden department that the freezing air sucked the christmas life out of me. Like my good humor thermostat hit zero, and this was no longer funny. I turned to Al and said, "Fuck this. Take me to Harrow's, we're getting a fake." Then my head spun and a chunk of frozen pea soup came shooting out of my mouth.

Al quietly prayed that Harrow's would still be open.

As we were driving back toward home we passed one more lot. Having thawed somewhat, and, well... we were THERE... we decided to try this one. All of the trees were open and on spikes, so you could see what they looked like. Plus, the guys working there were not stupid... they had a huge fire going. It took us nanoseconds to pay WAY too much for a really nice tree... that turned out to be roughly a foot too short for our new living room.

Now that tree has been up for about a week. First, we only had the energy to get it standing. SECOND, we wanted to see if our cats can NOT climb the damed thing. So we left it up undecorated for a dew days. Sadly, we would soon realize that our scheduels do not allow for tree decorating. Not both of us at the same time, and certainly not both of us at THREE different times. One to put up the tree, one to put on the lights and see if THAT attracts them, and another to put up the decorations. Monday night we put the lights on it and realized that new bigger living room means bigger better trees. Which means more lights than we're used to. Which means that Al went out on his day off last night to get some MORE lights, and now we have a LIT tree, sans decorations. Everyone is at catt battle stations. Both of them seem largely non plussed by what should be the biggest cat toy they've ever seen, by all rights. We suspect they're biding they're time, lulling us into a false sense of security, waiting for juuuuuust the right moment to attack. Like when we're busy opening gifts, and expecting them to play with the discarded paper.

Else I'm giving too much credit to the animals that still think there's a monster in the dryer.

Slowly but surely...

Monday, December 12, 2005

Nobody wants to play nice in the holiday sandbox.

I'm takin' my sand, and goin' home.

Ho Ho Humbug.

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Oh, I'm leeeeeaaavin' ON a jet plane! Don't know when I'll be back again...

Ok, that's not true, I know I'll be back on Saturday, but I AM leaving for Pasadena in approximately 5 1/2 hours. I got bumped passed a waiting list of people to attend some stupid class for work. Normally my gypsy soul LOVES to travel for these things, but this time it's stupid 'cause it's last minute, and (while even that doesn't bother me) I have to miss my friend Lisa's wedding for it. I can't even decline the class. If I don't take it I can't get leveled (that's promoted to you and me, kids) and I can't get my yearly raise. My proverbial hands are tied. I usually like my hands tied, but this... not so much...

I get on a plane at 1 o'clock NY time, out of Islip McArthur. I happen to live nanoseconds from that airport, and every time I have to fly for business that fact makes me happy. I'll get to LAX at 7 pm, roughly. I don't even have time to enjoy it in Cali. I have classes on Thursday and Friday, then I get on a plane on Saturday at 8:45am. There was no way I was taking a Red Eye on Friday, I'm WAY to much of a priss... ok, not really. My manager suggested I stay the extra night so I didn't have to suffer a red eye. Things like that never occur to me...

So, off I go. I'm gonna go run now, as the time difference always makes it nearly impossible to work out when I go to these things...

Ta...